LOL-Jokes.com - car bumpers

Death is

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 03:36:46 -0700

Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'. Don't force it, get a larger hammer. Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends. Fairy tales: horror stories for children to

It's not

Tue, 31 May 2005 03:13:23 -0700

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Mediocrit

Gravity -

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 22:37:41 -0700

Gravity - It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?Life is too complicated in the morning.All I want is less t

"Lead me

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 19:21:14 -0700

"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.""I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?" "Happiness is a belt-fed weapon""3 kinds of people: those who can count

"Women who

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 10:47:12 -0800

"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.""It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.""If you don't like the news, go out and make some.""I Brake For No App

Stop repeat

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 02:02:45 -0800

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them! Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?I intend to live forever - so far, so good.Who is General Failure and why is he readin

Sarcasm is

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 09:42:20 -0800

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you." Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. Stress is w

"All generalizations

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 01:01:30 -0800

"All generalizations are false.""Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle.""Born Free. . . . .Taxed

I wouldn't

Sat, 13 Nov 2004 11:39:29 -0800

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. Puritanism: The ha

My karma

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 11:38:19 -0700

My karma ran over your dogma.I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.I'm not driving fast-just flying low.Help starve a

Circular Definition:

Wed, 21 Jul 2004 00:24:17 -0700

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.Editing is a rewording activity.Ma

If we

Sun, 09 May 2004 06:42:50 -0700

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. A closed mouth gathers no feet. A journey of a thousand miles beg

Those who

Mon, 05 Jan 2004 22:16:00 -0800

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. S

A cubicle

Thu, 29 May 2003 01:58:25 -0700

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. Help wanted t

Those who

Sat, 24 May 2003 20:23:12 -0700

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. S