LOL-Jokes.com - quotes

"Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a...

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 18:14:27 -0700

"Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a stop light, I imagine myself as
Luke Skywalker, and I close my eyes and concentrate on using The Force.
Sometimes I have to concentrate longer than others, b

Tidey Bowel Man

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 20:47:38 -0700

If you launch your ship in a toilet, you're gonna get crapped on.
--The tidey bowel man, 1973.

Carrots and Peas

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 00:31:09 -0700

Confucius say one who cooks carrots and peas in the same pot is
unsanitary.

"The people who vote decide nothing....

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 00:20:20 -0700

"The people who vote decide nothing.
The people who count the vote decide everything."

- Josef Stalin

"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car."

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 08:17:56 -0700

Carrie Snow

Refrigerator Magnet Slogans

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 18:23:30 -0700

If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.Blessed are they who can laugh at

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would...

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 02:06:41 -0700

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

- David Daye

"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 17:58:16 -0700

Bella Abzug

"I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort...

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 12:37:28 -0700

"I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me"

- Herman Melville

"Dancing's never been one of my strong points....

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 04:36:16 -0700

"Dancing's never been one of my strong points. I guess you could
say I have two left feet."

- Herman Munster

"That's what happens when they put something togethe

Quotes from mom

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 01:55:52 -0700

My momma always said...
"I brought into this world and I can take you out!"

My momma always said...
"What do you think this is money doesn't grow on trees!"

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 22:53:51 -0700

Maryon Pearson

This Dress Looked Much Better on...

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 03:27:48 -0700

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same
thing, "This looked much better on...." I usually finish the sentance for
them if I can, and say, "On what? On fire

Society is like a stew....

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 14:02:12 -0700

Society is like a stew.
If you don't keep it stirred up,
you get a lot of scum on top.

- Edward Abbey

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed

Wed, 25 May 2005 10:52:58 -0700

Erma Bombeck