LOL-Jokes.com - top lists

More Confucius

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 00:00:28 -0700

Man who keep feet firmly on the ground have trouble putting on pants.
If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of f

The Top 16 Worst-Selling Hardware Store Items (Part II)

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 23:31:39 -0700

16. The Gilbert Gottfried Vibrating Showerhead

15. The Whoopsie Brothers' "WidowMaker" Nonlocking Stepladder

14. Black and Decker Nipple Sanders

13. Lee

The Top 15 Predictions for 2004 (Part II)

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 01:54:02 -0700

15> High-school dropout fast-food workers are disappointed to learn they can't win the gold in the Greece Olympics.

14> In the last quarter of 2004, sales of 2005 calendars skyrocket.

The Top 15 Signs You'll Never Get a Star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 01:46:49 -0700

15> Your only claim to fame ended when you found out that guy in the motel room wasn't really a director, but just a pizza delivery guy with a gold tooth, a camcorder, and a goat.

14> Y

The Top 15 Ways to Beat the Heat in Hollywood

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 04:12:48 -0700

15. Pee Wee Herman: Duck into an adult movie theater... huh?... Oh, *heat*??... Nevermind.

14. Robert Downey, Jr. only breaks into houses with pools.

13. George Clooney:

Cowboy Wisdom

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 06:35:11 -0700

If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

The Top 12 Fashion Tips From TopFive Contributors

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 01:07:11 -0700

12> Argyle condoms are too "busy."

11> Black suits are slimming. White suits bring out skin tone. Day-Glo prison jump suits are free from the state.

10> Damn, man... Clos

7 Goals for Management

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 00:20:20 -0700

Have management treat me better. Alienate at least five new groups this year. Pamper my colon: Eat more fiber! Quit squeezing pimples, especially other people's. Stop d

The Top 14 Surprises at the Comic Strip Character 25-Year Reunion (Part I)

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 18:48:43 -0700

14> The Lockhorns are still married, and still not the least bit funny.

13> These days, Brenda Starr looks more like Bart Starr.

12> Beetle Bailey spends t

How to scare your neighbors

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 02:46:19 -0700

1. Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don't have a phone. 2. Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, "I have your l

One Liners

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 05:05:06 -0700

Okay, here are a few more:

What do parsley & pussy hair have in common?

You just brush them aside and keep on eating.

Why did God create women?

Because

Ways to be annoying in computer labs

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 20:45:53 -0700

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look susp

Mulitcultural Jesus

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 15:21:29 -0700

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN 1. His first name was Jesus 2. He was bilingual 3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.THREE PROOFS THAT JESU

The Top 10 Signs You've Watched Too Much Star Trek

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 04:32:40 -0700

10) You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number

9.) You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.

Confucious

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 17:36:39 -0700

"Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."

"Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."

"Virgin like balloon . . . one prick, all gone."

"Baseball wro