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sex

18 Holes!!!

Submitted by Joe Collins on Fri, the 1st of December, 2000, 12:09 am

There were three guys who needed somewhere to sleep. There was a
barn full of chickes, a barn full of cows, and a bran full of 1 8
naked women. The first guy slept with the chickens the next wiht
the cows and then the next with the 1 8 naked women. The next...

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( category: sex & gender -> sex )

18 Holes

Submitted by Summer Breeze on Sun, the 18th of November, 2001, 1:16 pm

A man needs a place to stay for the night so he goes up to a
farmer's house and knocks on the door. The man opens and the guy
says he needs a place to stay for the night and the farmer says,
you can stay w / my cows and takes him to the stable.

Another man comes to the farmer's house and asks for a place to
sleep, so the farmer says, you can stay w / my pigs and takes the
man to the pen.

A third man comes to the farmer's house...

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( category: sex & gender -> sex )

Golf Lessons

Submitted by ash c c on Wed, the 28th of May, 2003, 11:36 pm

A married couple decided to take some golf lessons...

The husband went first. Now the husband was terrible at it! He
couldn't even hit the ball! So, the golf instructor told him to
imagine tha he was holding onto his wifes breasts. The husband
swung the club... and lo and behold! He actually made a hole in...

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( category: sex & gender -> sex )

Standardized Guide to the Bases

Submitted by Jimmy James on Thu, the 22nd of July, 2004, 12:46 am

Do you remember middle school / junior high / high school? If so, do
you remember talking about ' the bases' with your friends?

" Yeah man, at the dance, X and Y went behind the gym and they
got to second base!

Well that was cool and all, but what the hell was second base?
Tongue kissing? Up the shirt? No one was really sure. Also, the
bases tended to get progressively more intense as you got older.
What's a person to do? Here, we mourn the passing of using
baseball analogies to describe sexual activity. But let's face
it, there are more than four stages in today's day and age of
sex play. So, in the interests of both bringing baseball sex
metaphors in line with the complications of modern romance and
with standardizing the bases, we present the Standardized Guide
to the Bases.

First, let's examine what the bases could have meant in the old
days.

First Base: This was almost always kissing, although one guy I
knew thought it meant holding hands. Sometimes it was tongue
kissing and sometimes not.

Second Base: Variously this meant tongue kissing, breast
feeling, or outside the clothes genital contact.

Third Base: Usually this was a hand down the pants of you or
your partner.

Home Run: This was ALWAYS sex, although it was rarely reached in
the times when you had to refer to it in terms of bases.

That system is ok, if you are a young teenager with a repressed
sex drive. But what happens when you reach maturity and new
factors enter the equation, such as oral sex? And what about the
exact definitions? We have attempted to answer such puzzling
questions and present without further ado... The Standardized
Guide to the Bases!

On Deck: Having plans for a date.

Strike-Out: Duh!!

Walk: Kissing.

Bunt: Masturbation.

Single: Tongue...

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( category: sex & gender -> sex )

Bedroom Golf

Submitted by Princess Leia on Sat, the 5th of October, 2002, 6:49 am

The rules for playing bedroom golf.

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.

Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole
and keep the balls out.

For the most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.

Course owners are permitted to check shaft before play begins.

Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.

The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so
may result in being denied permission to play again.

It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to
admire the entire course, paying special attention to well
formed mounds and bunkers.

Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played on in the past or are currently playing on to the owner
of the course being played.

Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for
this reason.

Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at
all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course
temporarily under repair...

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( category: sex & gender -> sex )

Golf Lessons

Submitted by mike harcus on Sat, the 9th of April, 2005, 3:04 am

A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a
local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto
the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and
hits the ball 1 0 0 yards. The golf pro says not bad. Golfpro,
" Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts ". The...

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( category: sex & gender -> sex )

Camel Trouble

Submitted by Angie_Babes on Sat, the 14th of June, 2003, 7:16 pm

A man in Egypt needs to cross the Sahara Desert. He goes to a
camel owner and asks to buy one of his camels. The owner says,
" Here's one fine camel, very fast and 3 drinks across desert,
$ 2 0 0. The man says, " No, that's out of my budget. do you have
any others?

The owner goes through a few other camels, the man refusing each
one of them, until they come across one. The owner says, " Very
old and slow camel, no drink across desert, $ 2 0, but sometimes
he will need a little jerking off. The man buys the camel.

They are half way across...

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( category: sex & gender -> sex )

Three Men and a Woman Shipwrecked

Submitted by Tom D Chambers on Sun, the 20th of May, 2001, 10:03 pm

Four castaways, three guys and a woman ended up on an island
somewhere in the sea. Prospects of being saved weren't very good
so the men told the woman they need to deal with their " urges ".
They agreed to let one man have her on Monday, one on Tuesday
and one on Wednesday and...

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( category: sex & gender -> sex )

Camping Trip

Submitted by Senor Frogs on Thu, the 21st of July, 2005, 7:57 pm

Two guys have been camping in the woods for over a week and are
beginning to get a little annoyed with each other. One says to
the other, " Today we should spend some time apart. You hike to
the north, I'll hike to the south and then we will meet back
here and discuss our hikes over a campfire.

The day turns to night and the two men meet at the campsite and
one says to the other, " So, how was your day?

" Oh, it was fabulous. I hiked towards the south, down into the
valley and swam in this crystal blue stream and laid out in the
sun until I was dry. When I...

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( category: sex & gender -> sex )

Hot Buttered Corn

Submitted by mitchell s listol on Thu, the 11th of April, 2002, 10:55 pm

Two men were walking in a forrest one day when they came upon a
farm house. They knocked on the door and the farmer came up.
" Can we stay here tonight, sir? We are tired and hungary and
need some place to sleep. The farmer replied, " If you want to
stay here, you must have sex with my daughter. And a fat
1 8 - year old daughter walks down the stairs. One man replied,
" Na, I'd rather stay out here in the snow and cold. The other
man said, " Yeah, I guess I'll do it.

After a well-cooked and hardy meal, he put a ear of corn in his
pocket. The farmer said to him, " Now you must go up and...

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( category: sex & gender -> sex )
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