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Life Stages

Submitted by allie on Tue, the 3rd of September, 2002, 12:55 pm

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1 ) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2 ) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your
hair.
3 ) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always
catch the second person.
4 ) Never ask your 3 - year old brother to hold a tomato.
5 ) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6 ) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7 ) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8 ) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9 ) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
1 0 ) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1 ) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2 ) There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the
time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it
is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3 ) Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4 ) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its
ground.
5 ) Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
6 ) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not
the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1 ) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2 ) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can
get.
3 ) You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes
and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4 ) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a
rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5 ) One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can
make a person gain five pounds.
6 ) God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things.
Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
7 ) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody
bothers to ask you the questions.
8 ) Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
9 ) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because
by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
1 0 ) Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1 ) You believe in Santa Claus.
2 ) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3 ) You are Santa Claus.
4 ) You look like Santa Claus.

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