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5 things a guy would never say

Submitted by Richie Vivian on Wed, the 24th of July, 2002, 2:26 am

1. Hey would you like to send the day at the outlet mall?
2. Oh My God!!! you got your nails done
3. Oh no I don't want to go to the football game. Let's stay
home and cuddle.
4. I don't think you have enough shoes....

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( category: sex & gender -> other )

A Day At the Beach

Submitted by Shannon Swiney on Tue, the 8th of July, 2003, 8:43 pm

One day a man decides to go to the beach. Not just any beach,
but a nudist beach. After he arrives, he finds a soft patch of
sand, lays out his towel, and settles in, reading a magazine.
Five minutes later, a young boy of about five, walks over and
asks: " What is that? The man, startled by the shrill voice,
answered, obviously annoyed, " That is my duck. The boy
replies, " Can I play with her? The man goes, " No, go away.
Another five minutes pass, and the boy returns to him, asking a
similar-yet-different question: " What are those? The man rolls
his eyes and says, " Those are the duck's eggs. The boy asks,
" Can I play with them? The man says again, " No, go away! Yet
another five minutes pass, and the boy comes back. " What is that
hairy thing?, he asks. The man begrudgingly says, " That is the
duck's nest. The boy asks, " Can I play...

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( category: sex & gender -> other )

Kisses

Submitted by Mike J Bowers on Mon, the 23rd of April, 2001, 3:05 pm

An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another
engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. " Where did you get
such a rockin' bike? asked the first. The second engineer
replied, " Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw
the motorcycle to the ground, took off all her clothes and said
' Take what you want. " The second engineer nodded approvingly.
" Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit.

...

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( category: sex & gender -> other )

The Search for the Perfect Woman

Submitted by Bugar on Mon, the 10th of March, 2003, 1:49 am

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given
responsibility to find the perfect woman, marry her, and raise a
family. With that as his mission he began searching for the
perfect woman.

After a diligent but fruitless search up and down the east
coast, he decided to head west. Soon he came across a farmer who
had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his
breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking
for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, " They're all lookin' to get married,
so you've come to the right place. Look over them and decide
which one you wanna marry.

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked
for the man's opinion. " Well, she's just a weeeeee bit, not that...

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( category: sex & gender -> other )

Life Stages

Submitted by allie on Tue, the 3rd of September, 2002, 12:55 pm

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1 ) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2 ) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your
hair.
3 ) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always
catch the second person.
4 ) Never ask your 3 - year old brother to hold a tomato.
5 ) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6 ) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7 ) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8 ) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9 ) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
1 0 ) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1 ) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2 ) There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the
time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it
is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3 ) Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4 ) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its
ground.
5 ) Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
6 ) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not...

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( category: sex & gender -> other )

Dirty Football Broadcast

Submitted by zoe ayre on Tue, the 26th of October, 2004, 5:13 pm

The Top 2 0 Things You Hear In A Football Broadcast... That Sound
Dirty - - But Aren't

2 0. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
1 9. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
1 8. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
1 7. It's a game of inches.
1 6. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
1 5. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start
pounding.
1 4. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow....

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( category: sex & gender -> other )

Dogs vs. Men

Submitted by stratpunk157 on Mon, the 25th of October, 2004, 10:31 pm

Dogs are better then Men

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs do not play games with you - - except fetch ( and then never
laugh at how you throw ).
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they
know the most important thing is that you're together.
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
Dogs understand what " no " means.
Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
You can house train a dog....

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( category: sex & gender -> other )

The Sausage

Submitted by Tsango on Sat, the 10th of August, 2002, 6:07 am

One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came
across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the
bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage. The cat
was feeling quite puckish so as the water wasn't that deep he
reached in with his little paw and hooked the sausage out and
ate it.

The next day the cat was walking through the park again and he
peered into the pond again. There was another sausage but this
time it was a normal sized one so the cat reached in...

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( category: sex & gender -> other )

Buying Condoms

Submitted by Bekah A Smith on Sun, the 19th of December, 2004, 11:27 am

An man walks up to a clerk at a pharmacy and asks to buy some
condoms. The clerk asks, " What size do you wear? The man
replies, " I don't know. The clerk unzips his pants and takes a
feel. She then picks up the intercom and says, " Large condoms to
aisle 4 please. The man zips up his pants and leaves.

Later another man walks up to the clerk and asks to buy some...

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( category: sex & gender -> other )

Birth control

Submitted by S Patel on Mon, the 2nd of October, 2000, 4:15 pm

Three women are discussing sex and birth control.

The first woman says,
' We're Catholic, so we can't use it.

The second woman says,
` I'm also Catholic, but we use the rhythm method.

The third woman...

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( category: sex & gender -> other )
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