My mother will not breast feed me. She says she just wants to be friends!
A slightly retarded farmer has a farm up the coast of California.
Unfortunately, there are no women around. He gets rather desperate, and decides to try out an old mule.
He puts a stepladder behind the mule, lowers his pants, but then the mule walks forward. The farmer gets down off the ladder, moves it forward, and tries again, with the same outcome. This process goes on for about 5 more iterations, until he finally gets the idea to lead the mule up to the ocean, so the mule can't walk away. When he gets on the...Read more
You are having lunch with your new boss, talking about the decision paper you wrote. During the conservation, a blonde walks into the dining area and she is so stunning you draw your boss's attention to her. Having his complete attention, you give a vivid description of what you would do if you had her alone in a...Read more
One night a drunk is walking down the sidewalk holding his car keys out in front of him. He ends up walking into a police officer.
The officer says to the man, sir are you ok?
" Officer someone just stole my car!
" Now sir how do you know someone stole your car?
The man replies, Well...Read more
A fellow went to work one day and was met at the door by his boss. " You're fired, and there may be a summons for your arrest out of this! the boss exclaimed.
The fellow then started to drive home when the steering went out on his car and he ran into a carload of nuns. After the policeman let him go with the collection of tickets, he called his insurance company, only to find out that his wife forgot to send in the premium payment and that his insurance ran out last week.
On his way home, he stopped into the bank to get some money and found out that his wife had been there earlier with his best friend and emptied the accounts. After leaving the bank, he was on his way home and saw the fire engines heading down his street. Upon arriving at his house, he discovered that it was indeed his house on fire. The fire chief was sure that it was going to be a total loss. Again, calling the insurance company, he found that the homeowner's insurance also had been cancelled.
By now the...Read more
Mrs. Coutier's first grade class was learning about rhyming, and was told to make up a short rhyme. Pierre came up with:
In the pond I make duck calls...Read more
A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
Pauline came home after a visit to the doctor and told her parents, " The rash between my legs is nothing to worry about - it's only whisker burns.
he: " Do you smoke after sex?
she: " I don't know. I've never looked.
A popular whore house was visited by a lesbian.
The lesbian requested a 1 5 year old, and the madam replied " I'm sorry, we don't serve minors to lickers.