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Just thousands of funny jokes

body & health

Constipated Owls

Submitted by Tyson Taylor on Thu, the 1st of January, 2004, 12:56 am

What's the difference between a constipated owl and a bad
marksman?

One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't shit

( category: sex & gender -> body & health )

Walking while Pregnant

Submitted by Genene E Peterson on Sat, the 22nd of June, 2002, 1:52 pm

There is a room full of pregnant women and their partners, and
the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching
the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men
how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, " Ladies, exercise is good for you....

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( category: sex & gender -> body & health )

Tattoos of Mike Tyson and Riddick Bowe

Submitted by Invisible Wings on Sun, the 29th of February, 2004, 3:10 pm

One day a lady walked into a tattoo parlor and asked the tattoo
artist, " Are you good? He replies, " But of course! She said,
" I need a tattoo of Mike Tyson on my left inner thigh and a
tattoo of Riddick Bowe on my right inner thigh. But I won't pay
if they don't look like them. The tattoo artist agreed to the
condition. She undressed and he started the tattoos....

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( category: sex & gender -> body & health )

Didn't Order a Hotdog

Submitted by Ashley P G on Fri, the 27th of December, 2002, 1:28 pm

Two gentlemen are driving down the interstate and decide to stop
at a Truck Stop for dinner. They sit at the counter and when the
waitress arrives, both gentlemen order hamburgers.

The waitress promptly goes to the freezer, pulls out two
patties...

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( category: sex & gender -> body & health )

Need to Go to the Bathroom

Submitted by Jonathan P Goulet on Mon, the 7th of March, 2005, 1:27 pm

One day I was wating for my train at a train station. All of the
sudden I had a real urge to take a crap. So, I was about to go
to the bathroom when the train came.

On the train I sat next to a really hot guy. He started talking
to me so I didn't go to the bathroom. Then he invited me to go
over his house. I had to say yes.

Once inside his house I gasped, it was HUGE! Then he said he had
to change. Finally, I had a chance to go crap. I looked and
looked for a bathroom but I couldn't find it. Then I turned
around and saw that there was a bathroom about 1 0 feet away!

I felt so week but I...

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( category: sex & gender -> body & health )

Most Embarrasing Date

Submitted by Norske Swen on Wed, the 17th of October, 2001, 9:40 am

A young couple entered in a most embarrasing date contest and
won by a mile. Here is their stroy:

Two young people, Dave and Diane, were set up on a date to go
sking in the mountians. They were driving up the mountian side
and Diane had to use the washroom. " Can't you wait until we get
there? Dave asked. Diane waited. A little while later, Diane
couldn't hold it any longer, " Either you pull over or I go...

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( category: sex & gender -> body & health )

Hide the dog

Submitted by IOVANA BRITO on Sun, the 2nd of November, 2003, 12:00 am

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got
a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having the time to
get the paperwork to take the puppy on board, the man just hid
the pup down the front of his pants and sneaked him aboard the
airplane.

About 3 0 minutes into the flight, a flight attendant...

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( category: sex & gender -> body & health )

Horse & Chicken

Submitted by Tom C on Thu, the 10th of June, 2004, 8:56 am

A horse and chicken were playing near a pit when the horse falls
in. The Horse says, " Help, Help, go get the farmer! The chicken
says, " I've got a better idea. So the chicken goes and gets the
truck and pulls out the horse.

The next day the horse and chicken were playing by the pit and
this time, the...

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( category: sex & gender -> body & health )

Indians

Submitted by JoKeR on Wed, the 30th of April, 2003, 11:13 am

Two indians were being chased by buffalo. One indian puts his ear to the
ground and says, " Buffalo come!...

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( category: sex & gender -> body & health )

9 reasons why cucumbers are better than men

Submitted by Trevor C Floyd on Wed, the 31st of October, 2001, 6:50 am

1. Cucumbers can stay up all night, and you wont have to sleep
in the wet spot.

2. Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.

3. A cucumber wont care what time of the month it is.

4. A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
...

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( category: sex & gender -> body & health )
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