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Grammar Mistake

Submitted by chris magee on Mon, the 26th of May, 2003, 12:47 pm

This was an actual message on the top of an ice cream truck:
Instead of " Slow, Children At Play ", this was put on...

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Bad Days

Submitted by missee d on Sun, the 18th of January, 2004, 6:00 pm

Think YOU'RE having a bad day? It seems like some people are
just plain doomed.

Surprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief
fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall, dropped
down and found himself in the city prison.

* * * * *

In 1 9 7 6 a twenty-two-year-old Irishman, Bob Finnegan, was
crossing the busy Falls Road in Belfast, when he was struck by a
taxi and flung over its roof. The taxi drove away and, as
Finnegan lay stunned in the road, another car ran into him,
rolling him into the gutter. It too drove on. As a knot of
gawkers gathered to examine the magnetic Irishman, a delivery
van plowed through the crowd, leaving in its wake three injured
bystanders and an even more battered Bob Finnegan. When a fourth
vehicle came along, the crowd wisely scattered and only one
person was hit-Bob Finnegan. In the space of two minutes
Finnegan suffered a fractured skull, broken pelvis, broken leg,
and other assorted injuries. Hospital officials said he would
recover.

* * * * *

While motorcycling through the Hungarian countryside, Cristo
Falatti came up to a railway line just as the crossing gates
were coming down. While he sat idling, he was joined by a farmer
with a goat, which the farmer tethered to the crossing gate. A
few moments later a horse and cart drew up behind Falatti,
followed in short order by a man in a sports car. When the train
roared through the crossing, the horse startled and bit Falatti
on the arm. Not a man to be trifled with, Falatti responded by
punching the horse in the head. In consequence the horse's owner
jumped down from his cart and began scuffling with the
motorcyclist. The horse, which was not up to this sort of
excitement, backed away briskly, smashing the cart into the
sports- car. At this, the sports-car driver leaped out of his
car and joined the fray. The farmer came forward to try to
pacify the three flailing men. As he did so, the crossing gates
rose and his goat was strangled. At last report, the insurance
companies were still trying to sort out the claims.

* * * * *...

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The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently is

Submitted by Po Lai on Sat, the 24th of July, 2004, 12:53 am

Subject: The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued
this bulletin:

In light of the rising frequency of human / grizzly bear
conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising
hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and
keep alert of bears while in the field.

We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their
clothing so as not to startle...

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definitions

Submitted by lily lily on Sun, the 30th of January, 2005, 5:57 am

what's the definition of painfull
a fly going down a razor blade using its balls as breaks

what's the definition of stupid
lobing a brick through someones window and asking for it back

what's the definition of stupid 2
pissing through a window and asking how far it went
...

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( category: news & politics -> other )

Speculation

Submitted by Max Lee on Sun, the 10th of March, 2002, 2:39 pm

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, " A penny for your thoughts ", and you put
your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread
to begin with.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a
person drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn't 1 1 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that...

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Christmas Tree

Submitted by NINER on Sun, the 29th of May, 2005, 4:46 pm

A guy farted in a elevator. He took out an air freshner. Another
guy got on the elevator. The first guy...

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The two Gay Guys

Submitted by Craig on Fri, the 16th of April, 2004, 1:39 pm

Ok.. There are these to gay guys fucking eachother up the ass
and one guy says " dont cum until i come back " so he goes to get
a pizza and he...

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( category: news & politics -> other )

New Yorkers

Submitted by Matt Mcmillion on Sat, the 17th of August, 2002, 1:12 am

According to a recent poll, half of New Yorkers say that they
would never move out of the city, mostly because their probation
won't allow it.

( category: news & politics -> other )

Bobbitt Hillbillies Song

Submitted by Lucky_gurl13 on Tue, the 23rd of October, 2001, 4:41 am

( Sung to the tune from ' Beverly Hillbillies' )

Come and listen to my story ' bout a man named John.
A poor Ex-Marine with a little fraction gone
It seems one night after getting with the wife
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.

Penis, that is.
Clean cut.
Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car taking Willie for a ride
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she came around a bend

Curve, that is
Tossed the nub.
In the shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his Weenie back
They sniffed and they barked and...

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( category: news & politics -> other )

Corpse in Forest Fire

Submitted by Stephanie Lewis on Thu, the 27th of May, 2004, 6:47 pm

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out
section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest
fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete
with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and facemask. A
post-mortem revealed tthat the person died not from burns, but
from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a
positive identification. Investigators then set about to
determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a
forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the
person went for a diving trip off the coast some...

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