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Submitted by Alycia Dufresne on Mon, the 28th of June, 2004, 3:22 pm

Your mama is so poor that when I walked in your backyard and stepped on a cochroach, she said, " Thanks for killing dinner.

( category: misc -> top lists )

Top 10 dumb blonde inventions

Submitted by Al Coholic on Sat, the 4th of September, 2004, 11:26 am

1 ) The waterproof towel
2 ) Solar powered torch
3 ) Submarine screen door
4 ) A book on how to read
5 ) Inflatable dart...

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( category: misc -> top lists )

100 ways to annoy the pizza guy

Submitted by ICE CREAM on Mon, the 14th of May, 2001, 8:19 am

1 0 0 Ways to annoy the pizza guy

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, " Remember, we never had this conversation.
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim " Oh, just surprise me! and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
1 0. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
1 1. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
1 2. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's " Master of Puppets " CD.
1 3. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
1 4. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say " crazy bread.
1 5. Stutter on the letter " p.
1 6. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. ( e. g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!
1 7. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
1 8. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
1 9. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
2 0. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
2 1. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him / her to cheer you up.
2 2. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
2 3. Change your accent every three seconds.
2 4. Order 5 2 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
2 5. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say " Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?
2 6. Start your order with " I'd like... ". A little later, slap yourself and say " No, I don't.
2 7. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say " OK. That'll be $ 1 0. 9; please pull up to the first window.
2 8. Rent a pizza.
2 9. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
3 0. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
3 1. Put the accent on the last syllable of " pepperoni. Use the long " i " sound.
3 2. Have your pizza " shaken, not stirred.
3 3. Say " Are you sure this is ( Pizza Place )? When they say yes, say " Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do! When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, ( Pizza Place ), start to cry and ask, " Do you know what it's like to be lied to?
3 4. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
3 5. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
3 6. Imitate the order taker's voice.
3 7. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
3 8. When they say " What would you like? say, " Huh? Oh, you mean now.
3 9. Play a sitar in the background.
4 0. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him / her.
4 1. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
4 2. Ask to see a menu.
4 3. Quote Carl Sandberg.
4 4. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
4 5. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
4 6. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
4 7. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
4 8. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
4 9. Shout " I'm through with men / women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!
5 0. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say...

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( category: misc -> top lists )

Naughty legal phrases

Submitted by Dastir on Sun, the 18th of July, 2004, 12:31 am

Top Ten Legal Phrases That Sound Dirtier Than They Really Are:

1 0. Have you looked through her briefs?

9. He is one hard judge!

8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.

7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.

6. Is it a penal offense?...

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( category: misc -> top lists )


Submitted by Joon Yoon on Sun, the 28th of July, 2002, 6:42 pm

3 guyz get captured by canibals and the canibals took the 3 guyz 2 the king canibal deep within a forest. The king canibal says, we will not eat you guyz on one condition, if each of you can get 1 0 of the same fruits and stick them up your butt hole without making any facial expression, we will let you live. So the 3 guyz went out into the forest to find fruits. The first guy came back with 1 0 apples and...

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( category: misc -> top lists )

Black kids

Submitted by Nicole Hawley on Sun, the 10th of October, 2004, 6:56 pm

Why dont little black kids play in the sand box?

Because there afraid a cat will try to bury them

( category: misc -> top lists )

How Chinese People name their kids

Submitted by Danny Lover on Thu, the 15th of February, 2001, 2:02 am

How do chinese people name their kids?
Throw a fork at the wall and name their kid after the sound

( category: misc -> top lists )

Top Ten Ways the Bible is Out of Date

Submitted by Joe Fallica on Fri, the 18th of March, 2005, 6:06 am

1 0 ) Who the hell Begets anymore?

9 ) Memo to Adam: Ditch the apples, try chocolate!

8 ) Saint Peter wouldn't do the actual judging - - he'd hire a temp.

7 ) Ten plagues and God never thought of daytime talk shows?

6 ) All this smiting and no one filed a suit against God?

5 ) Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy...

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( category: misc -> top lists )

Fun to do during an exam

Submitted by Sarah Magruder on Sat, the 3rd of May, 2003, 11:24 am

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

2 7. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell...

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( category: misc -> top lists )

Fun to do during an exam

Submitted by bourban on Wed, the 23rd of January, 2002, 2:33 pm

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1 2. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip...

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( category: misc -> top lists )
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