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jokes for nerds

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender,...

Submitted by Screamin Falcon on Thu, the 23rd of January, 2003, 3:05 pm

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, " How much for a beer?

The bartender replies, " For you, no charge.

( category: misc -> jokes for nerds )

Top 12 things likely to be overheard if you...

Submitted by CrazyMan on Mon, the 9th of December, 2002, 9:43 am

Top 1 2 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer

" Specifications are for the weak and timid!

" This machine is a piece of gagh! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!

" You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.

" Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!

" What is this talk of ' release'? Klingons do not make software ' releases'. Our software ' escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.

" Klingon function calls do...

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( category: misc -> jokes for nerds )

Speaking of being stuck on one address, my...

Submitted by toby666 on Wed, the 11th of April, 2001, 1:00 am

Speaking of being stuck on one address, my professor once told this tale of misoptimization, quite possibly apocryphal. It seems these computer architects were looking to speed up their machine. They looked at their dynamic instruction counts and picked a branch...

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( category: misc -> jokes for nerds )

T-Shirt of the future #385:...

Submitted by taryn on Fri, the 24th of August, 2001, 9:06 am

T-Shirt of the future # 3 8 5:

" Mom and Dad went to Alpha Centauri and all I
got was this lousy T-shirt "

( category: misc -> jokes for nerds )

If a straight line fit is required, obtain...

Submitted by The Bulldozer on Thu, the 22nd of April, 2004, 8:40 am

If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.

( category: misc -> jokes for nerds )

The reason computer chips are so small is...

Submitted by Daniel L Clark on Mon, the 18th of September, 2000, 11:26 pm

The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.

( category: misc -> jokes for nerds )

Let's put this into sensible units - - like...

Submitted by jokemeister on Fri, the 1st of October, 2004, 10:22 am

Let's put this into sensible units - - like furlongs per fortnight.

( category: misc -> jokes for nerds )

After I stopped by this company's booth at...

Submitted by OlDirty on Wed, the 31st of October, 2001, 8:12 pm

After I stopped by this company's booth at the recent CD-ROM conference, the following letter arrived here from a major CPU manufacturer... Dear Mr. Rubinsky: Thank you for your [ company name ] literature order. We are very sorry, but the following items that you have requested are currently on backorder: PRODUCT CODE DESCRIPTION EXPECTED ARRIVAL DATE T 2 1 7 Dear Customer Cover Letter FOUR WEEKS Your order will be filled at the earliest possible date. In the meantime, your patience in regard to this matter is greatly appreciated.

Please feel free to call our Literature Distribution Center at [ 8 0 0 - number ]. Our operators will be happy to help you place an order...

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( category: misc -> jokes for nerds )

The top 6 reasons computers are female......

Submitted by Gurneet Mayal on Sun, the 31st of March, 2002, 6:13 am

The top 6 reasons computers are female...

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible...

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( category: misc -> jokes for nerds )

The Top 11 Things Uttered by Yoda While Making...

Submitted by Tiffany Brown on Mon, the 2nd of May, 2005, 4:27 am

The Top 1 1 Things Uttered by Yoda While Making Love 1 1. " Ahhh! Yoda's little friend you seek!

1 0. " Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must.

9. " Feel the force!

8. " Foreplay, cuddling - a Jedi craves not these things.

7. " Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I must!

6. " Do me or...

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( category: misc -> jokes for nerds )
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