Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'. Don't force it, get a larger hammer. Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends. Fairy tales: horror stories for children to

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Mediocrit

Gravity - It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?Life is too complicated in the morning.All I want is less t

"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.""I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?" "Happiness is a belt-fed weapon""3 kinds of people: those who can count

"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.""It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.""If you don't like the news, go out and make some.""I Brake For No App

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them! Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?I intend to live forever - so far, so good.Who is General Failure and why is he readin

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you." Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. Stress is w

"All generalizations are false.""Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle.""Born Free. . . . .Taxed

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. Puritanism: The ha

My karma ran over your dogma.I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.I'm not driving fast-just flying low.Help starve a