Just thousands of funny jokes


Hitler vs. Station Wagon

Submitted by I B Insane on Mon, the 8th of March, 2004, 7:38 am

What is the difference between Hitler and a station wagon?

If you don't know you must be pretty stupid.

( category: international -> european )

French Countryside Visions

Submitted by Alice Tsai on Sun, the 11th of January, 2004, 1:32 am

An elderly man was walking through the French countryside,
admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he
spotted a young couple making love in a field. Getting over his
initial shock he said to himself, ' Ah, young love... ze spring
time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique! and continued to
watch, remembering good times. Suddenly he drew in a gasp and
said, ' Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman - she is dead! and he
hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the
police chief.

He came, out of breath, to the police station and shouted,
' Jean... Jean zere is zis man, zis woman... naked in farmer
Gaston's field making love. The police chief smiled and said;
' Come, come, Henri you are not so old; remember ze young love,
ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L'amour! Zis is ok.

' Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!

Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the
station, jumped...

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( category: international -> european )

a French man!

Submitted by Tim T Tinnit on Sun, the 12th of August, 2001, 5:42 am

there was this french man who came to america. he was walking
down the street and saw a shop selling bukets for 1 $ each so he
went inside and he says to the owner " i would like a fuket.
" you mean a buket?
" yes a fucket. so he bought the buket! a few blocks down he saw
a pet shop selling cockaspaniels for 5 0 $ each! so he went inside
and says " i would like to buy a cocker!
the shop keeper sys...

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( category: international -> european )

Princess Horny

Submitted by Peter Schmitt on Sun, the 8th of July, 2001, 7:39 pm

One dark stormy day in the 1 6 0 0 ' s there was a princess. She
did not have a husband so the kind never let her had sex.
Whenever she asks " daddy PLEASE LET ME HAVE A HUSBAND " he says
no. She was very horny every day and playing with her self was
not enough for her so every day she begged.

Finally one day the kind lossens up and says " WE WILL GATHER
HAVE MY DAUGHTER. This news was quicly spred amoung all the
people and 3 very horny people like the princess wanted this.

Bob, the first person went to the town doctor. He asked for
some potion that will make his balls huge. The doctor gave him
a red potion and said take 1 drop a weak on your balls so he
did. He went to see the king and showed him his balls. The
king was...

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( category: international -> european )

Women rights...

Submitted by Audrey K Veneck on Wed, the 17th of December, 2003, 5:23 am

It happened that all the women of the world gathered togheter to
make up an experiment: how would their husbands respond to
womens' refuse of making the house work...

After one month they gathered again to see the results of

Mary from England says: " Well, i went home and told John, my
husband, that i refuse to work anymore. So first day i didn't
see much thing, but after a week i could see that John started
to make food, wash dishes, and all the stuff...

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( category: international -> european )

The Ungratefull Frenchman

Submitted by Kristen S Roy on Sun, the 1st of July, 2001, 11:12 am

One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to
find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He
stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was
freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself
at the hearth.

Once inside the house, he complained of being thirsty. The woman
handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk.
After taking a big swig, the impulsive guest exclaimed, " This is
sweet and fresh... you are most generous!

She replied modestly...

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( category: international -> european )

The List

Submitted by brandi l stefanelli on Sun, the 13th of October, 2002, 12:38 pm

There was a guy that just came to the U. S. and did not speak
very good english. His wife gave him a list of things to buy.
The first thing on the list was to buy a Bucket. So he goes to
the hardware store and says to one of the employees, Hey mister
hardware store guy can Ihave a fuck it.

Hardware store guy: Oh he must mean a bucket.

So the guy got his bucket. The next thing on the list was some
bread. So he goes to the bakery store and asked the guy, Hey can
a have a head.

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( category: international -> european )

The Dog and the German

Submitted by Banu S Thuraisingam on Tue, the 24th of April, 2001, 12:28 pm

One day, a woman was walking her dog on the beach, suddenly,
from nowhere, a large gang came up behind her. They didn't hurt
her, they only threw the dogs ball into the water. Because the
dog loved the ball so much, it went in after it. The dog started
drowning. As the gang disappeared, a large German man came out
as if from nowhere....

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( category: international -> european )

Serbian Prostitute

Submitted by Cool Beans Girl on Thu, the 4th of March, 2004, 4:43 am

What do you call a Serbian prostitute?

Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch.

( category: international -> european )

British Humor on EC

Submitted by Katie P Kromwell on Fri, the 20th of October, 2000, 10:41 pm

The British have not lost their touch for hilarious slurs on
their fellow Europeans...

Are you ready to join a Federal Europe? Try this simple quiz to
determine just how European you really are...

1. Your wife has asked you to pop into Marks and Sparks to buy
her a new bra, but when you get to the cash desk you notice
there is a large queue. What do you do?
a. Take your place in line and wait patiently to be served.
b. Put the bra back on the shelf and return later when the queue
is shorter.
c. Barge directly to the front of the line and scream, " Ich
leber stomph das bustenholten!

2. You are driving around a roundabout when a car suddenly
swerves in front of you causing you to brake sharply. How do you
a. Drive on, perhaps tutting under your breath.
b. Beep your horn at the offending motorist to let him know
you're annoyed.
c. Screech to a halt diagonally across the front of the other
car, leap out and bang your fists repeatedly on his bonnet
shouting, " Bastardo! Bastardo! Mamma Mia! Bastardo!

3. You are walking along the pavement when a rather attractive
looking woman ( or man ) passes by. Do you:
a. Look away modestly, perhaps blushing slightly.
b. Smile and maybe say, " Hello ".
c. Smear a tub of Brylcreem all over your head, pinch her bottom
then proceed to follow her around for half an hour, together
with twenty of your mates, all riding pathetic little
scooters, making a variety of crude and suggestive remarks

4. You're busy at work when suddenly you realise it's 1 2
o'clock. What do you do?
a. Have lunch, read the paper, then return to work 4 5 minutes
b. Ignore the time and keep working until you've finished the
task at hand.
c. Sit down under a tree and go to sleep for six hours.

5. You're holidaying on a beach when you see a rather old and
weary looking donkey giving rides to children. What would you do?
a. Pay no attention. It's a fairly common sight.
b. Pat the donkey on the head and offer it a lump of sugar.
c. Goad it with a sharp stick, then get 5 0 of your friends to
jump up and down on its back until it falls over and dies.
Then go to sleep for six hours.

6. You wake up in the middle of the night feeling a bit peckish.
Do you:
a. Roll over and go back to sleep.
b. Pop down to the kitchen for a quick cup of tea and a biscuit.
c. Phone twenty of your friends and invite them to come round...

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( category: international -> european )
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