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sports figures

Baseball Player

Submitted by Abercrombie chic on Sat, the 12th of March, 2005, 5:44 am

Why Did the Baseball player bring rope to the game?

He wanted to tie the score.

( category: entertainment -> sports figures )

College Bowl Games

Submitted by Simba A Rafiki on Mon, the 9th of October, 2000, 10:01 pm

Two Actual California Community College Bowl Games:

Hawaiian Punch Bowl

Pacific Graffiti Bowl

( category: entertainment -> sports figures )

Stupid camps

Submitted by Spanky4 on Tue, the 18th of June, 2002, 12:16 am

1. Quiditch camp ( no children cannot fly )

2. Sailor camp ( no they will not end up on broadway )...

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( category: entertainment -> sports figures )

Mike Tyson

Submitted by Sam Gank on Wed, the 14th of February, 2001, 10:00 am

Why did Mike Tyson [ the boxer ] buy a whole corn field?

So he could bite some more ears.

( category: entertainment -> sports figures )

Timbuck Too

Submitted by Stephanie L Milioto on Sun, the 5th of December, 2004, 9:18 pm

One day an Aggie and a Longhorn ( football teams ) were applying
for the same job, the manager said, ok, you both go home and
make up a poem using the words " Timbuck Too " the next day they
both came back, the longhorn read first. " Over the hills, I do
see too, my eyes stuck like glue, Timbuck...

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( category: entertainment -> sports figures )

Brainy Beckham

Submitted by Sucha Dog on Tue, the 9th of January, 2001, 1:11 pm

Beckham is at a press conference, and has just been asked a
question. " They keep your breath fresh for hours, and...

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( category: entertainment -> sports figures )

Tyson

Submitted by Jennifer R Sobczak on Wed, the 20th of July, 2005, 1:11 am

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

They invented mace

( category: entertainment -> sports figures )

Dave Barry's version of the '96 Olympics

Submitted by J on Sun, the 4th of July, 2004, 9:04 pm

Article by Dave Barry on Olympic Coverage

TRUMPETS: BOM! BOM! BOM-BOM BOM BOM BOM!

BOB COSTAS: Good evening, and as you can tell by the sound of the Olympic
Theme Song that we play almost as much as we show Kerri Strug's historic
vault, it's time for our broadcast of The Recently Videotaped Olympic
Games Featuring Americans. We're going to start by taking you right to the
track-and-field stadium, where the men's 1 0 0 - meter dash is about to get
under way, despite the fact that it actually happened 4 hrs ago.

TRACK COMMENTATOR: Bob, this promises to be an exciting race, featuring
Americans.

COSTAS: And what are the obstacles that these Americans have overcome to
create a Human Interest Factor for our broadcast?

TRACK COMMENTATOR: Bob, from left to right, they have overcome psoriasis,
vertigo and a bad allergy to vinaigrette dressing.

COSTAS: We'll come back to the men's 1 0 0 - meter final, but right now we're
going to replay the video of Kerri Strug, an American, overcoming her ankle
injury to make her courageous vault. ( Kerri Strug vaults.

COSTAS: What a human moment! Time for a commercial.

ANNOUNCER: We're IBM. We're a giant corporation with vast computer
expertise That's why we're in charge of keeping track of all the
statistics for these, the Olympic Games of 1 9 5 3. Thank you.

BOM! BOM! BOM-BOM BOM BOM BOM!

COSTAS: Now we're going to take you to women's beach volleyball, where the
sun is shining brightly despite the fact that it is now 1 0: 7 p. m. on the
East Coast.

BEACH VOLLEYBALL COMMENTATOR: Thanks, Bob. This is Holly McPeak, an
American, and as you can see in this digitized, computer-enhanced,
ultra-slow-motion Beach Cam closeup shot, she has overcome cellulite.

COSTAS: I'll say. When is she going to serve?

BEACH VOLLEYBALL COMMENTATOR: She'll be serving in about 4 seconds, Bob.

COSTAS: I'm sorry, but we don't have that kind of time, because we need to
show this Heartwarming Moment. ( Kerri Strug vaults.

COSTAS: Now let's go out to the cycling competition...

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( category: entertainment -> sports figures )

Yogi-isms (By Yogi Berra, Baseball Player)

Submitted by Basil F Cadbury on Fri, the 28th of June, 2002, 8:53 am

1. I die rarely.
2. It's a deja vu all over again.
3. It's not over till it's over.
4. If you come to a fork in the road..... take it!
5. I really didn't say everything that I said.
6. You can observe a lot just by watching.
7. Never reply to an anonymous letter.
8. I usually take a 2 - hour nap from 1 to 4.
9. When asked what time it was, I said; you mean now?
1 0. At Yogi Berra day in St Louis 1 9 4 7: " I want to thank you...

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( category: entertainment -> sports figures )

Philadelphia Eagles Football Schedule

Submitted by The Mad Stuffer on Mon, the 4th of June, 2001, 6:55 am

Philadelphia Eagles Football Schedule
September

1 5 Gov. Mifflin Jr. High
2 2 Cub Scout Troop 1 0 1
2 9 PA Blind Academy

October

6 Spanish American War Vets
1 3 Cripple Children's Home
2 0 Wernersville State Hospital
2 7 Girl Scout Troop 3 5 3

November

3 PA VD Clinic Post # 3
1 0 Philadelphia Boy's Choir
1 7 Korean Amputees

Special Monday Night Game
December

9 Utopia Gay Boys

RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR

1. When playing the polio patients, Eagles must not disconnect
leg braces...

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( category: entertainment -> sports figures )
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