Just thousands of funny jokes


Real Western Song Titles

Submitted by Wah Ibanez on Sat, the 21st of September, 2002, 7:20 pm


- Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ' Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
- Her Teeth were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
- How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
- How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've
Been A Liar All My Life
- I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
- I Fell In a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me
- I Flushed You From The Toilets of My Heart
- I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
- I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!!
- I Wouldn't Take Her To a Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
- I'd Rather Have Bottle in Front of Me than a Frontal Lobotomy
- I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield of Life
- I'm the Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
- If I Can't Be Number One in your Life, Then Number Two on You
- If Love were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low...

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( category: entertainment -> music )

Long and Hairless

Submitted by Nat Wat on Sat, the 20th of December, 2003, 1:35 pm

What is 2 0 0 feet long and has no pubic hair?

The front row at an N'SYNC concert.

( category: entertainment -> music )

The Singer with Foul Languages

Submitted by zazu on Sun, the 25th of May, 2003, 12:44 pm

A man walks into a bar and gets a drink. He sits down the front
to listen to the singer. It's the best music he has ever heard,
but the singer uses fuck, cock suckers and such words every two
or three words. After hearing a song he liked the man asked the
singer the name of the song. He replyed, " My dad did me up the
ass with a pencil while he pissed into my face.

" Right. said the man.

He then hired the singer to play his brothers wedding, but asked
the singer to tone down the swear words, the singer agreed.


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( category: entertainment -> music )

Beethoven's Ninth

Submitted by Haley N Plath on Thu, the 4th of August, 2005, 8:48 pm

A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing
Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims...

At this point, you must understand two things:

( 1 ) There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass
violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page
after page.

( 2 ) There used to be a tavern called Dez's 4 0 0 right across the
street from the Seattle Opera house, rather favored by the local

It had been decieded that during this performance, after the
bass players had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth,
they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the
stage rather than sitting on their stools looking and feeling
dumb for twenty minutes.

Well, once they got backstage, someone suggested they trot
across the street and quaff a few beers. After they downed...

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( category: entertainment -> music )

My Car Will Go On...Hopefully

Submitted by Mike Postal on Mon, the 1st of July, 2002, 9:04 am

Sung to the melody of My Heart Will Go On ( Love Theme from Titanic ):

Verse 1:
Every time I start you, I hear you, I feel you
Telling me you cannot... go on.
Far away the Hyundais, the Yugos, they beat us
At 4 5 [ mph ] you slowly... go on.

Near, far, wherever you park
I can see you, oh brown, ugly car!
Once... More... I don't lock the door
And no one'll try to steal it, my car will go on and on

Verse 2:
The battery died that one time, and stalled me a lifetime...

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( category: entertainment -> music )

Beethoven's Chicken

Submitted by Goth Chik on Mon, the 18th of February, 2002, 12:05 am

Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying ' ' Bach, Bach, Bach... '

( category: entertainment -> music )

Before Starting A Rock Band

Submitted by jerry on Wed, the 15th of May, 2002, 7:37 pm

Before starting a rock band, you should know that the following
names are taken:

[ a ]
Albino Toilet Boys
Alcoholics Unanimous
Apocalypse Hoboken
Armageddon Dildos

[ b ]
Biff Hitler and the Violent Mood Swings
The Band Formerly Known As Sausage
Band Over
Band That Shot Liberty Valence
Barbara's Bush
Bobby Joe Ebola and the Children MacNuggits
The Bourbon Tabernacle Choir
The Boxing Ghandis
Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre
Breakfast in Beirut
Bulimia Banquet
Buster Hymen & the Penetrators

[ c ]
Cap'n Crunch and the Cereal Killers
Carnage Asada
Cindy Brady's Lisp
Cortizone 5
Cottage Cheese from the Lips of Death

[ d ]
The Dancing French Liberals of 1 8 4 8
The Dead Sea Squirrels
The Dead Kennedys
The Dick Clarks
The Dick Nixons
Dicky Retardo
Drunks With Guns

[ e ]
e. coli
Edith Head
Electric Prostates
Elvis Hitler
Ethyl Merman

[ f ]
Fearless Iranians From Hell
Fields of Shit
' 5 7 Lesbian
The 4 - Skins
Four Nurses of the Apocalypse
The French are from Hell
Fromage d'Amour

[ g ]
Gefilte Joe and the Fish

[ h ]
Headless Marines
Hell Camino
Herpes Cineplex
Hindu Garage Sale
Hitler's Bikini
HIV and the Positives
Honest Bob and the Factory to Dealer Incentives
Hornets Attack Victor Mature

[ i ]
Impaled Nazarenes
Inhale Mary

[ j ]
Janitors Against Apartheid
Jehovah's Waitresses
Jehovah's Wetness
Jehovah's Witness Protection Program
Jesus Christ Super Fly
Jesus Chrysler Supercar
Jesus Manson and the Starvation Army
Jonestown Punch

[ k ]
Kathleen Turner Overdrive
Kerrigan's Knees

[ l ]
Lack of Afro
Lawn Piranhas
The Leave It To Beaver Conehead Immolation
Lee Harvey Keitel
Lesbian Ninjas
Louder Than God

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( category: entertainment -> music )

Billy Ray Cyrus vs. Prostitute

Submitted by Hyperchick on Fri, the 3rd of September, 2004, 8:42 am

What's the difference between Billy Ray Cyrus and a prostitute?

Billy Ray Cyrus has an achy breaky heart and a prostitute has an
itchy twitchy twat!

( category: entertainment -> music )

Tuna Fish

Submitted by Jim henswot on Sat, the 9th of November, 2002, 6:36 pm

What's the difference between a piano and a fish?

You can't tuna fish

( category: entertainment -> music )

Instrument Jokes

Submitted by Jo Mima on Fri, the 26th of October, 2001, 12:53 pm

* * * * * Violin Jokes

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the
violinist's head is so much bigger.

Why are viola jokes so short?
So violinists can understand them.

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.

How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They never get up that high.

String Player's Motto: " It's better to be sharp than out of

Why is a violinist like a Scud Missile?
Both are offensive an inaccurate.

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
No one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.

Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their
Violins aren't built with spit valves.

Why should you never drive a nail into your roof with a violin?
You might bend the nail.

* * * * * Cello Jokes

Why are intermissions limited to twenty minutes?
So you don't have to retrain the cellos.

How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a violin.

* * * * * Bass Jokes

How many string bass...

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( category: entertainment -> music )
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