Just thousands of funny jokes


A Good Deal

Submitted by Josh Price on Fri, the 20th of May, 2005, 8:12 am

This guy was visitng the country one day and saw a for sale sign in front of a farm. The guy goes up to the farm and asks the farmer to show him around the farm.
The farmer starts with the house and shows him all the rooms. The guy likes the house and tells him that he always wanted a house like this on his farm.

Then the farmer shows him the barn. The city fellow likes the barn and tells him that he's always wanted a barn like this on his farm. Then the farmer shows him the land and the guy is very pleased with it and was just about to write the farmer a check when he noticed some bees flying around a tree....

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( category: business & work -> farmers )

Airplane Ride

Submitted by Joseph Feldstein on Wed, the 5th of January, 2005, 4:27 am

A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.
" $ 1 0 for 3 minutes, replied the pilot.

" That's too much, said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, " I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering...

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( category: business & work -> farmers )

Big Eared Mule

Submitted by BlaineGurl on Fri, the 29th of March, 2002, 7:46 am

There were two farmers, neither one had much common sense. They were told by their boss to put the mule in the barn.
When they led the mule over to the barn, they decided that the mule's ears were to long and he would not fit into the barn. So they put their heads together and decided to get a ladder and a saw and saw the overhead of the barn out so the mule could walk right on in the barn.

They began...

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( category: business & work -> farmers )


Submitted by Marisa Persuki on Sun, the 17th of September, 2000, 8:42 pm

There was a farmer who was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 1 0 roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs. He kept records and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well went into the pot and was replaced. Now this took an awful lot of time. So when the farmer saw a set of 8 tiny bells that each rang a different tone he promptly bought them.
He glued a piece of foam rubber to each clapper shaft so the bell wouldn't ring except when violently shaken. He hung a bell on each rooster's neck and went and mixed a Mint Julep. Now he could sit on the porch and sip while filling out an efficiency report on the roosters...

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( category: business & work -> farmers )


Submitted by Jeff R Snow on Fri, the 5th of December, 2003, 6:02 pm

Ole and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull.
The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten...

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( category: business & work -> farmers )

Country Lane

Submitted by Adam E Hinkhouse on Tue, the 23rd of December, 2003, 9:47 pm

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $ 5 0. The husband accepted and minutes later...

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( category: business & work -> farmers )

Dead Farmer

Submitted by Charles Jupe on Sun, the 17th of April, 2005, 2:15 pm

When a farmer dies, why is he only buried six inches deep?
So he can still get a hand out.

( category: business & work -> farmers )

Duck Hunter

Submitted by Laurus S Sutton on Thu, the 29th of May, 2003, 4:57 am

A duck hunter is out one day having no luck. He hunts the whole morning and couldn't get a single kill. On the way home he comes up to a farm house and flying over the barnyard is a big flock of fat mallards.
Seeing his last chance for success, he takes aim at what looked like the biggest duck in the flock and gave it both barrels. The duck fell from the sky and landed in the middle of a barnyard.

As the hunter nears the barnyard and the dead duck, he sees he's got himself a beauty. But when he is a mere 2 0 paces from the duck, a farmer steps out of the barn, picks up the duck and heads for the house.

" Hey! said the hunter, " Come back with my duck!

" Your duck? says the farmer, " It was lying dead in my barnyard; it's MY duck.

" No! No! You don't understand!, shouts the hunter, " I shot it and it just happened to fall here. It's mine!

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( category: business & work -> farmers )

Farm Inventory

Submitted by Angel on Sun, the 7th of September, 2003, 5:40 am

It was time to take an inventory of the animals on the Old MacDonald's Farm.
Farmer MacDonald got his 3 sons Gordy, Glenn and Gomer together and assigned a task to each of them. Gordy had to count the chickens, Glenn the pigs and Gomer the cows.

Gordy went out to the chicken coop and started countin'. 1, 2, 3... 4 8. And came...

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( category: business & work -> farmers )

Farmer's Bull

Submitted by Emily A Swatkowski on Tue, the 1st of February, 2005, 7:26 pm

Farmer: I've got a bull that's right off it duties. It's got to service

3 0 0 cows and all it wants to do is eat.

Vet: Give it one of these little pills in its feed and stand back.

So 2 weeks later the farmer comes back to the vet:

Farmer: WOW, what a pill! I gave the pill to the bull like you said and

POW! It jumped over the gate, ran down the lane and fucked 7 0 cows in

3 0 minutes.

Vet: So, what's the problem - why have you come back?

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( category: business & work -> farmers )
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