You might be an internet newbie if:

YOU WRITE IN ALL CAPS. ALL THE TIME. oR YoU StIlL WrItE EmAiLs iN AlTeRnAtInG CaSe.

You believe what people say in chatrooms is actually the truth, and that girl in it really WILL love you for ever. ...even though she hasn't seen you and you haven't seen her!

You really believe the "get rich quick" scams you receive in e-mail will work.

You can't associate surfing with web pages.

You regularly report things you find on USENET to your ISP.

You still believe in the modem tax.

You think you saw it on your last phone bill.

A *Virus Warning* that you once read now makes you panic whenever you get a message saying: Returned Mail: Host Unknown

Every time you've posted a message to a newsgroup, you've been flamed by at least ten people.

You've been flamed several times, but you still don't know the meaning of the term.

You post messages saying "UNSUBSCRIBE" to the mailing list that you've subscribed to....spelled "UNSUBIBE," "UNSUBSCIBE," UNSBSCRIB," etc...

You think spam is a type of lunch meat.

You can't tell the difference between a web URL and an e-mail address.

Your message submission from a submit form says:

"Enter your submission here."

You think flaming someone involves a lighter and an aerosol can.