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business

looking busy

Submitted by Nicholas Justicz on Sun, the 1st of February, 2004, 12:08 am

Generally, this will not be a concern until you are promoted to an executive position. But once you've created the illusion that you serve even the slightest purpose at your place of " business, there's no telling how far you'll go. In the real working world, productivity is all a matter of appearances.

Appearance: You are furiously taking notes while conducting an important telephone marketing survey.

Reality: You are pretending to take notes while talking to your friend who has called collect from Bulgaria.



Appearance: You are on the phone with a client in New York and you have said, " Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy, I tell ya!

Reality: You are on the phone with a friend in Guam and you have said, " Yeah, this job is terrible, and my boss is such a pushy whining... Yes sirree! That stock is about to shoot through the roof, now's a great time to buy, I tell ya!



Appearance: You are at...

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( category: business & work -> business )

YOU KNOW YOU WORK IN CORPORATE AMERICA IF ...

Submitted by The Flash on Mon, the 5th of July, 2004, 10:26 am

YOU KNOW YOU WORK IN CORPORATE AMERICA IF ...

You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies

Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro

Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket

Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um

You order your business cards in " half orders " instead of whole boxes

When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie

You get really excited about a 2 % pay raise

You learn about your layoff on CNN

Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes

You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet

Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined

You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive

It's dark when you drive to and from work

Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else

Communication is something your group is having problems with

You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor...

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( category: business & work -> business )

The Vacuum Cleaner CEO

Submitted by Captain C on Thu, the 9th of January, 2003, 2:15 pm

The CEO of a Vacuum Cleaner company was impatient with the poor job his salespeople were doing, so one day he decided to do the job himself.

He pulled up to an old house in his Mercedes Benz and knocked on the door. A little old barefoot man wearing overalls answered the knock on the door, only to be confronted by the very well dressed and dignified CEO in a $ 2, 0 0 navy blue pin-striped business suit, a Hermes silk tie, a starched white shirt with monogrammed cufflinks, $ 7 0 0 shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner.

" Good morning, said the well-dressed and impeccably groomed CEO. " If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.

" Get lost, Mister fancy suit! said the old man. " I haven't got any money " and he proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the CEO wedged his polished shoe in the door and pushed it wide open.

" Don't be too hasty! he said. " Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.

The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the CEO emptied a bucket of mud all over his hallway carpet.

" If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, sir, I will personally eat the remainder. I am the CEO! You have my GUARANTEE!

" I got a better idea " said the old man, " If you don't clean it all up, I'll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer my overalls. Your nice suit, your tie, your shoes, everything!

" Fine...

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( category: business & work -> business )

There is nothing so small

Submitted by Goth Chik on Mon, the 18th of February, 2002, 12:05 am

There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of proportion.

Joke found on http: / www. ahajokes. com

( category: business & work -> business )

He who shouts the loudest

Submitted by jerry on Wed, the 15th of May, 2002, 7:37 pm

He who shouts the loudest has the floor

( category: business & work -> business )

Demian's Observation: There is

Submitted by Hyperchick on Fri, the 3rd of September, 2004, 8:42 am

Demian's Observation: There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read " Abandon hope all ye who enter here "

( category: business & work -> business )

Any time things appear to

Submitted by Jim henswot on Sat, the 9th of November, 2002, 6:36 pm

Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something

( category: business & work -> business )

Winning isn't everything, but losing

Submitted by Jo Mima on Fri, the 26th of October, 2001, 12:53 pm

Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything

( category: business & work -> business )

Hinds' Law Of Computer Programming:

Submitted by Jason M Javens on Sat, the 21st of April, 2001, 8:18 pm

Hinds' Law Of Computer Programming: 1 ) Any given program, when running, is obsolete. 2 ) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. 3 ) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. 4 ) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory...

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( category: business & work -> business )

It takes a big man

Submitted by I dont have a penis on Thu, the 26th of August, 2004, 6:54 pm

It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one to keep his mouth shut when he's right

( category: business & work -> business )
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