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aviation

Free flight

Submitted by Tyler Hulse on Sat, the 18th of November, 2000, 6:05 pm

In the early 1 9 3 0 ' s, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

" $ 1 0 for 3 minutes, replied the pilot. " That's too much, said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, " I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a...

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( category: business & work -> aviation )

blind pilots

Submitted by Chris C Perry on Thu, the 5th of June, 2003, 2:42 am

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at...

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( category: business & work -> aviation )

Real flight announcements

Submitted by KeisukeKun on Wed, the 28th of May, 2003, 12:54 pm

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the " in-flight safety lecture " and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

" There may be 5 0 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane...

Pilot - " Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land ... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.

And, after landing: " Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: " Whoa, big fella. WHOA!

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: " Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as Hell everything has shifted.

From a Southwest Airlines employee.... " Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

Weather...

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( category: business & work -> aviation )

Christmasat the airport

Submitted by ROTEM IS A SMURF on Sat, the 21st of April, 2001, 2:58 pm

It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.

Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. ( Almost a scrooge ) Going to check in his luggage ( which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes ), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way....

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( category: business & work -> aviation )

Big ears

Submitted by Wilhelmina C Ostag on Mon, the 15th of October, 2001, 2:54 pm

Q * Why do elephants have big ears *

A * Because Noddy won't pay the ransom!

( category: business & work -> aviation )

A blind pilot is flying this plane?

Submitted by matt henderson on Tue, the 24th of June, 2003, 1:10 am

I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 4 5 - minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 4 5 - minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in thirty minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and...

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( category: business & work -> aviation )

The Christmas airport

Submitted by Ren R Renford on Tue, the 14th of May, 2002, 10:13 pm

It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.

Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. ( Almost a scrooge ) Going to check in his luggage ( which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes ), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way....

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( category: business & work -> aviation )

Half off these tickets

Submitted by Sam Patrick on Mon, the 3rd of March, 2003, 12:05 pm

USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the...

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( category: business & work -> aviation )

Air Force One crashes

Submitted by Canadian seven seven eight on Tue, the 10th of June, 2003, 7:02 pm

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor.

" Sir, the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath.

" Did you see this terrible accident happen?
...

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( category: business & work -> aviation )

The world's smartest man?

Submitted by Damian T Morland on Thu, the 1st of November, 2001, 5:36 pm

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.

Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. " There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us, he announced. " Since I'm the pilot, I get one! After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

" I'm the world's greatest athlete, proclaimed Michael Jordon. " This world needs great athletes, so...

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( category: business & work -> aviation )
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